You ever find yourself trying to build a perfect scenario? As a working mom and wife, I know how frustrating it can be when you don’t feel like you’re “present” enough for all the great moments you convince yourself you need to have in your life, as though there’s some kind of “best parent” or “best spouse” award to be won.
Last year, I shared with one of my girlfriends how frustrated I was with my life. I felt like I was failing at my two most important jobs. I told her how I would plan these amazing events, but they never turned out how I imagined. After we spoke, I came to understand that while I was so busy desperately trying to create a perfect scenario, I was actually missing the moments that were happening right in front of me. I was putting too much pressure on myself and others to deliver on my idea of special moments.
Not only would I put pressure on them, but I also got upset when they messed up my “moments” by, well….being themselves. Can you believe that?
It just wasn’t fair to them.
It wasn’t fair to me.
The truth is, I was creating these superficial scenarios to act as a temporary fix for vulnerabilities I failed to address within me.
2018 taught me a lot. I learned you have to let people have (and create) their own moments. It’s important to sit back and let it happen…organically. If we’re not careful, we can miss special moments because we are so busy trying to force our vision onto others.
I learned that my struggles and insecurities are my own. It’s not anyone else’s job to fix me or compensate for my shortcomings. Your happiness can’t rely on others. Your happiness is 100% YOUR responsibility and the moment you give that power to others, you lose the true value of it…
So, instead of being a control freak over a perfect family photo or fancy dinner, do this instead.
Empower others to take the lead. You don’t have to be the one planning and organizing everything. That is too much pressure! It’s perfectly okay to show up with a smile, maybe a plate of food, and just BE.
Look for the good, in everything. I can nit-pick waaaaaaaaaay too much. I would try to perfect just about everything from hair grooming to Frisbie throwing. Too much criticism can bring negative energy into your space. No one will want to let anything good organically happen if they feel bad about themselves. If you don’t have anything nice to say, smile and nod.
Accept that perfection is a myth. Who is perfect, anyway? Somehow, there’s this idea that to be great, you have to follow a specific roadmap for your career, your family, and social life. And, if you don’t achieve things like a nice house, fabulous vacations, or have a big family dinner for the holidays, then you’re not valuable. Why can’t we spend Christmas at the park or Thanksgiving at Cracker Barrel? (which I totally did this year by the way…) Do what makes you happy. Create your own traditions, even if you’re doing absolutely nothing.
There are no rules to life. Just show up and enjoy the moment. You may find those organic moments are much better than any picture-perfect vision you could’ve created.
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