Last week I received a frustrated email from my friend, Staci-Ann. Staci started a new job about 4 months ago after relocating to New York to further pursue a career in marketing and advertising.

Here’s a bit of her email:

“….. Don’t get me wrong, I like what I do, a lot!  My problem is, she and I come in and leave around the same time each day. Our projects are similar in requirement.  We even deliver the same work product, and I really like working with her too.

But last week when we went to lunch I offered to pick up the tab but she insisted she’d get it. I giggled and said, “ok, fine I’ll get the next one.” Then she tells me not to worry about it because she knows I make less than her anyway!

Can you believe her? First I thought she was joking but then I asked her how much she made and she told me a number over 4K more than my annual salary!!!!

Should I quit? I find myself resenting her now and I avoid making eye contact at all cost.

Mary, what should I do?”

Staci, you’re not alone. Many of my clients have faced similar circumstances. Here’s my advice:

First, take a deeeeeep breath. Inhale. Exhale. Now, let’s work this out.

1. Stop blaming your co-worker. It’s not their “fault” you make less than them. There could be several reasons why they make more than you. They may have negotiated differently. They may know someone in the company or there may be a salary bias issue at your organization. Instead of getting upset with the person making more, redirect your energy towards creating your own strategy to get a pay increase. I’ve listed some tips for you here.

2. Take inventory. When you were hired, did you negotiate? Were you hired at the same time or before your co-worker? Do you have the same degree level or skills your colleague has? Remember, you said YES to the salary they offered you. It’s important to take ownership, understand the circumstances and use your frustration as fuel to get what you want. It’s okay, you can fix this.

3. Do your research. Before approaching your boss or HR department about your salary woes, make sure you’re fully aware of the market value for your position and what that position requires in terms of skills and knowledge. Location may also play a role in determining salary as well. Salary.com has a great Salary Wizard tool you can use to research your position and salary norms.

4. Be honest with yourself. Take some time to evaluate your career goals. Is it worth your energy and time to fight for a higher salary at this company or within this industry? Is this really where you want to be? Don’t fight simply based off principle. Fight because the outcome is aligned with your career goals. If you know where you are is not where you want to be, it’s not worth it.

5. Know what you need. Is the salary your co-worker makes enough to meet your needs? Do you need more or less? Know exactly what you need before you approach decision-makers. Take some time to calculate your desired salary. You don’t want to come off as a nagging employee complaining just to complain. Keep in mind, salary payouts are a business decision. You must make your argument to the business about WHY you need more money.